hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
