when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
