Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
