can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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