Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
