every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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