she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
