A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize