there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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