so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
