at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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