tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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