I cockslap morals
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
