I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
