I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
