Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
