i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
