his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
