Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
