I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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