I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize