i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
