i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
