i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
