Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
