I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
