i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
