Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
