community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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