Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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