How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
