The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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