just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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