All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize