Duck Duck Cougar?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
