I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
