Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
