told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
