i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
