Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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