Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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