Just cropdusted the office
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
