Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
40s are totally the cure
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
