Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dicks are not precious.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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