i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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