My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
