i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
