Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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