Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
