I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
