it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
