you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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