I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
