i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
