dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
