Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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