i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
