What did we do last night that was yellow?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
