When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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