Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
