Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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