the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
