The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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