ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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