I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
