I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
