he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
