eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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