dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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