Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
